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Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? Yes, totally wrong. Jos!! If I push thru to be happy and have energy, he expects me to be like I was 20 years ago. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. She can just kiss my butt. Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? Right. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). He does not have ED or any similar issue, wont see a therapist or talk about this, and he becomes angry and defensive if I bring up sex or hug him or show any affection. Too much trouble. you get it. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. He never smiles? I am not the same, never will be. And lastly, dont discount masturbation as a solution. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. Having said that, it still stinks. It isnt about the phone or computer. Id rather die than lose him. It is so sad listening to mostly men talk about their wives not wanting sex. Nathan I am in exactly the same position as you. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. However if these women get divorced they have a sexual oasis spring up again between their legs because they need to find a new nest. Both men and women lose sex drives some times, but with proper nutrition and exercise etc it can be reclaimed. My best friend. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. He is unhappy with the state of your relationship. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. I have the same problem I love my wife but I need sex. Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. Now its too late. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. If you notice your wife acting awkward or becoming extremely tense when you try to touch her, it means she is not liking the fact that you are being physical. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. Some women have no idea of how belittled this makes a man feel, and its not just a matter of getting our rocks off since we can do that ourselves. And please dont tell me counseling. Men are not brain dead. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. Its not that hes a bad person hes not but at this point hes kind of like a zombie. 3. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. I married, not for love but because was told I could do worse. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. Im 55 my name is Tom, I havent made love to my wife in nearly 9 years due to her having several medical issues. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. All that said, unless your wife has a known health condition that she's currently managingor she's had a very sudden and significant change in her sex drivedon't assume that her lack of interest in having sex with you means something is medically wrong with her. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. We had enjoyed a lovely sex life, with the usual speed bumps (kids, work,etc) but we never stopped. I have never been a man so I cannot empathize with a man. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life. I am male. Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. Well, its clearly only getting worse. It takes two. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. goodluck! How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. Im 65, shes 70. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. . She apologies oh well. Here's her full guide to overcoming the sexual avoidance cycle, plus how to support a lower-libido partner. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. 10. And lots of different health issues and life circumstances can affect your hormones, as can taking hormonal birth control (i.e., the pill). I made the decision that I would just say screw it and NOT think about sex at all. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. It wont fix the sexless marriage. I have kept fit and kept busy. But unfortunately I do feel that it is my fault I just wish I knew what and that I could make it better. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. State your case to your partners. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. I know this because that is what I do, but I have never been more unhappy in my life. 3. Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". Here are some foreplay ideas for inspo. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. we always believe that we are being judged . He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. If your husband rejects your hugs, kisses, and touch, there's something wrong. So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. My hubby is one happy camper. I realize this rant may seem to be about my needs, but I think I deserve the right to a fulfilling life. We are all just CroMagnon reborn. Showing discomfort is a telltale sign that your wife isn't taking foreplay positively. Her duty? Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). Its one less thing to think about or do. and I feel I have been cheated. It isnt. It is indeed like forcing down a tasteless meal for someone elses sake. Below are a few potential reasons that might explain why your wife is not interested in you sexually. Stay with it, work on it with her. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. Bring back date night (without the pressure to have sex), or simply spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes and dreams. 57mwm here. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. I hear you sister, I am only 52, husband is same age. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. Id be interested to find out your age. I dont think I would like my son or daughter tell me what to do in the bedroom. That was 20 years ago. We lose ourselves. Both 39 years oldI just suffer in silence. Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? I would like to ask her if well ever have a sex life again, but she has a hard time talking about it. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. We have no children. I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. I am 60, and my husband is 65. I was going to say you lucky lucky bastard., Maybe let her pick the sex partner and she may want to be a side participant in it, could always ask : ), Its been13 years no sex for me.lbeen married42 years..her phone and internet are more important than me. I appreciate that No outside agency or individual can fix anything yet they get their fix of adulation with tired Info. Too bad, b/c I think Id be better for him than she could ever be. I appreciate the fact my wife has accepted our sexless marriage but I wish I knew what was causing these awful dysfunctions that make sex impossible, Oh my the first paragraph is me and my wife all over just had silver anniversary its been sexless since I was about 35 Im 52 now she no longer initiates intimacy wont kiss or cuddle hates being touched no toutching or anything of that disgusting behaviour treats sex as dirty and says Im old enough to know better gave similar resolution said find someone else but canot as Id be cheating I love her but this is not living promised change every year on Holliday well do it when we get away never happens maybee I am selfish for wanting intimacy with her but wont talk about it were just stuck in a rut its a cave and were going nowhere Im still fit keep trim and look young I have a young outlook whitch she hates but hey ho good luck all I feel less frustrated reading some of these comments xx, My husband who is 80 is 15 years older then me and has health problems so on a lot of meds our sex life finished 4 year ago going down hill gradually I get very upset as there seems to be no affection between us at all he seems quite happy living like this I love him dearly so would never leave him but its hard for me every day, Oh bullshit, a womans answer to wife problems is communicate how you feel to her. If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. Read the first sentence again. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. In my is own skin. 25 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband, 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic, 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby, 10 Best-Selling Relationship Books Couples Can Read Together, How To Make Up For Forgetting Your Anniversary 8 Ways To Do It. 2. If your wife is struggling with mental health concerns, anxiety, or depression that are not being handled professionally, gently encourage her to talk with someone about how shes feeling. for signs she is interested in someone else. Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. Men empathize with women in a way that women do not with men; men *want* to make decisions that benefit women, individually and as a group (the Women are Wonderful effect, which both men and women exhibit). So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. For others that are on the borderline of this happening: Its not worth the stress. She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. I feel so much pain amd resentment!!! I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. Thank God I love to ski. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. I read this with interest. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. My wife and I lost our beloved son several years ago. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. Harley, yeah I believe men are more likely to complain then women in places like this. Do we cheat and risk hurting our wives and husbands? This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. Dont you love anything? Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. . Just has zero desire. A woman who feels that shes living with a man whocant regain her trust after cheating will most certainly have problems connecting with him on an emotional as well as physical level.