MISS HONEY There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle Flashbulbs go off. Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake. Okay! Now, get off to bed, you little bookworm. Think about what you want to say, and then say it in a creative, original way. %PDF-1.5 The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. Piacelli. MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO You have to stay inside the circle all the time. off to prison you both shall go!". Oh, y -, [she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up]. BIG KIDS See you tomorrow! Stories. Why? Please! And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! . SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE! You see, unfortunately, Nigel suffers from the rare, but chronic sleep disorder, narcolepsy. Agatha Trunchbull: They never stood a chance. Yes, sir. I'd love to read to you some time. She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. MR WORMWOOD kicks her out of the way, talking on the telephone. Get out of it! You're off to school in a few days' time. I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight! They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible. What is the school motto, Miss Honey? It's your father who's going to federal prison. And what sort of teacher would I be [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] And another door closes. . The alphabet? You can be all cynical, Yourself, Matilda? ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] I am *not* seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull! And honestly, I was really, definitely, sort of, almost thinking about owning up. Matilda : You're very brave, Miss Honey. The 3rd cost $68. Sing, Jenny! If they start to squeeeeze out of your ears, you're going to need help. [as Harry switches on Matilda's lamp] Conclusion - Best Pick Up Lines. You can read words. Could I speak to you for a moment, please? MATILDA enters from her bedroom. Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. My mummy says I'm a miracle, Harry Wormwood: Did you see all those packages outside? [she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]. MATILDA [Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage]. What? Look at you trying to hide, silly. Even me. [while putting baby Matilda in the sink to rinse away spinach] She then steps forward and hugs MISS HONEY tightly. LAVENDER A member of the mafia! MR WORMWOOD exits while MATILDA runs into her bedroom, flings the door open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. It's Miss Honey. Harry Wormwood: Have a marshmallow. . 3. Miss Honey: and . Stop being pathetic, Jenny. Wait, Dad, you're going too fast. In the slip of a bolt, there's a tiny revolt. NIGEL . I'm not in favor of girls getting all clever-pants, Miss Hussy. Any children who object will go straight into the Chokey together! [His stomach growls.] AMANDA and ERIC CHILDREN and BIG KIDS run in, creating pandemonium. Matilda? COUPLES Even time loves us.". Or maybe your largeness It's the Trunchbull's speciality. He did what you asked. [to MATILDA] You! Trunchbull: Isn't there something you can do? DOCTOR [to Zinnia] ALL COUPLES: What? I love your stories, Matilda! "Right"? And if you cry it will be (W) double. Whoever painted The Trunchbull must have had a strong stomach. MRS PHELPS What a dear! If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. . MATILDA I am FULLwhen and onlywhen the Headmistress says I am FULL. MISS HONEY . Miss Honey: I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away. To survive this mess by being a prince or a princess. Good hair means a good brain. "But we do not have the one thing in the world we want most.". She's going to be your teacher. His do-dah. . They sits and unpack their bags. So innocent I (R) asked a thousand questions, Crush that little weasel! I'll be watching you, each and every one. Your hair! Mr. Wormwood: google_color_border="EDC7C2"; And today is a very special day: your first day of school! Your parents must be so proud to have a girl as clever as you. ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. Crowd! PICK UP LINES! It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. At night, they listened to the silence of their big, empty house, and they would imagine how beautiful it would be if it was filled with the sound of a child playing. . Mr. Wormwood: The condition is characterised by the sufferer experiencing bouts of chronic fatigue, and falling suddenly asleep, often without knowing, or any warning at all. Neigh! MR WORMWOODOh, this is thick! Eight times two is sixteen. Matilda: [Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby]. 2. Back before my life had ended, LAVENDER puts the wooden spoon back in his hand. MATILDA . And if it's not right, Fifteen times two is thirty. CHILDREN Matilda Wormwood is an exception . MR WORMWOOD Great, big, question-asking . Even if you're little, you can do a lot. Get the hell outta here! Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. Can I ask you a question? COUPLE 2 LAVENDER Here in the library again, are we? Don't put honey on your brother. Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. Try to be funny, or clever, or both! The distance the shotput goes, depends upon the effort that you PUT INTO IT. MR WORMWOOD . MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN . Where he's been for the last hour, actually. Another flaming book? It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. "Escapologist", he says! said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. [sometimes, to be in time with the music: Well? I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town. You'll be punished so severely if you step out of line. Matilda, you promised me you wouldn't go back in that house again. Others take a less emotional approach. I think you'll want your trousers loose. Agatha Trunchbull: He's my dance partner. You shall be . Useless, flamin' car! MATILDA MISS HONEY Agatha Trunchbull: Are they good runners? My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children at all. Ow! MATILDA MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST MATILDA 2 0 obj [She takes a mirror from the armchair.] Matilda : I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. What've you done with his fingie? The desks descend into the ground. YoU listen here, my dear, One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days. You gotta be loud! All right! Do you believe in love at first site or should I walk by with my incense again? You gotta give yourself permission to shine. Harry Wormwood: I love books. You chose books. But this time, I've got a secret weapon. MISS TRUNCHBULL ? Harry Wormwood: The CHILDREN thrash in their seats. BIG KIDS I need a car, inexpensive but reliable. MISS TRUNCHBULL . . MISS HONEY enters and knocks. FBI Agent Bob: Overall, the best pickup line is one that is creative and original. Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? How far can you go? The table stops and the hands hit the ground. Harry Wormwood: Now, here's a tip: [She flicks the screens off again.] He screams and turns around, hitting ERIC's cap against ERIC's desk. You and I must be Weedles. Very supple. She says they make me look pretty! Here's what I think of your lovely [He starts pulling at the book as though to tear it apart.]. This means that pick-up lines are all about first impressions. MRS WORMWOOD What about rules, Honey? . You're just wasting energy, Matilda: [turns and sees Harry's hair] I didn't do anything! green! a contract. It was the age of wisdom . MRS WORMWOOD 19. Did we sell some cars today, honeydew? They say she's lined it with nails, and spikes, and bits of broken glass. That's why here I have compiled the sexiest and smart pick up lines to use on guys to make them interested in you! ACT 1. Knock on the door, Jenny. My mommy thinks they're sweet. And if it's not right, The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. Don't be pathetic! Let's leave maths for the time being . Bruce 'Little Brucey: Even if what you got is not a lot. . I can feel it in my hips. Zinnia Wormwood: You're only four years old. There's another crime in the making, your car is about to run a stop sign. But it's a truth empirical Wot? Harry Wormwood: That didn't happen. Harry Wormwood: . If I were a cat I'd spend all 9 lives with you. Just get on your feet, Jenny. Or if the scream in your head even reached your mouth! . No! Ow! Trunchbull: . her knickers stayed stuck to the seat! [He does a split in front of MISS HONEY. Sixteen times two is thirty-two. Desks rise from the ground and a blackboard makes its way from the back of the stage. . Than the volume with which what you don't know's expressed. Most parents believe their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. . It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. And if you can't read sentences, you've got no chance with books. Is the first word . BIG KID [BEN] No kid likes being yelled at. [She re-enters her bedroom and jumps onto the bed.] . Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. Then get out of town. A shrimp. [to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers] . "'The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage', and it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man! We're not rich. This child doesn't have a "thingie" . . They then saunter off. //-->. Don't just stand there like a wet tissue. Did I let myself go. [He rips the towel off to reveal that his hair is green.] Eventually, they quieten down, but LAVENDER continues to jump up in down next to MATILDA, who is reading. Miss Honey: MISS HONEY laughs and exits down the stairs at the front of the stage. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. Miss Honey: Matilda: This still, unbroken skin, MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. MATILDA collects the remains of her book. The CHILDREN reach out from behind the gate as the BIG KIDS carry them away. I shall consign you to the seventh circle of hell, child. . Does that mean I can get that new TV? Harry Wormwood: Miss Honey: Bye, Mrs Phelps! [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] How do you do this? Oh, you stupid man. Jane Eyre . And yet every single life, Loud, loud, loud, loud! MISS TRUNCHBULL runs in, blowing on her whistle, and chases ERIC down until he is pulled into formation by two BIG KIDS. . WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED? They are all dressed in costume: Eric as Batman, Tommy as the Incredible Hulk, Lavender as a Princess, Nigel as Spiderman, Bruce in army gear, Amanda as Superwoman, Alice as Wonder Woman, Hortensia as a queen. Come on! There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster. Not a dot did I stray from the plot. Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. AAAHH! Ah-ah-aah-ah. MR WORMWOOD [yells] I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids! BRUCE It was the biggest burp I had ever done. No one is as bold or tough as me. MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. And children in the bottom class aren't really expected to read. Dad says I should watch more TV. I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. [to Michael] I'm not crying because it's sad. She exits, not before scratching her behind and wiping her nose. Well, I shall take your money when you earn it, and I shall spend it. Behind MR WORMWOOD and MATILDA, the scene changes from a living room to MATILDA's bedroom. She starts the video screens playing again. in my opinion, this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven-year-olds! MRS WORMWOOD An exception. No, it's fine. Where's his fingie? Go fig-ueur! RUDOLPHO MR WORMWOOD tickles him and MICHAEL laughs suddenly, then falls back into his normal dull expression. Looks are more important than books. It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. BRUCE wilts by the desk. What is this trash you're reading? . Don't tell me. Restores my faith in human kind. MR WORMWOOD Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. Trunchbull: Trunchbull: MRS WORMWOOD brushes past MATILDA with a sound of utter disgust. Agatha Trunchbull: Semi-Spanish gown Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, | 10. Agatha Trunchbull: . They're cops, Dad. . four hundred and eighty-seven. BRUCE Jenny : Not as brave as you. No, it's not a poem by William S., although a recital of Othello would get you far, but rather math pick-up lines. B-R-O-O-C-E! [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] [to MRS WORMWOOD] Would you please shut up? MATILDA Like Romeo and Juliet, [He throws the phone to the lackey.] I always compete, doctor. I have all these extra. Narrator: In . MR WORMWOOD MRS PHELPS 100 Best Pickup Lines for Girls That Actually Work | by Qasim Adam | ILLUMINATION | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. Hey, sleep with me.I am not scary.I'm really rich.I'm Drew Carey. . MATILDA pauses for several moments, holding the dolls in front of her contemplatively. . No, it's a library book! [Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves]. MISS TRUNCHBULL . You could have heard a fly burp. 13. Harry Wormwood: MISS HONEY He's going to blow. With your stupid books and your stupid reading. . A table with the word "Contest" emblazoned on the side is wheeled in. Matilda Wormwood! The BIG KIDS and CHILDREN take up various positions around the stage and audience, pointing in every which way. 2. You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood? MISS TRUNCHBULL He always wears suits with loud plaid prints read analysis of Mr. Wormwood. . What? Of course you didn't do it, you little twit! I'm gonna give you a tanning like you never had in your life! He's over there, under those coats. For this newt, you piss-worm! Best dirty pick-up lines 1. You're supposed to be teaching SPELLING, not poetry! AAAIIGHHH! | Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever. A few! Her father was a doctor, and he needed someone to look after things at home. Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please, you can! But if I try I can remember, Each newborn life a canvas yet unpainted, This one was mine. MRS WORMWOOD Quick, jackets! These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone." Roald Dahl, Matilda tags: books , literature , reading , words If I give the crowd their money back, where is my profit?! It was the worst of times. [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] [into recorder] MRS WORMWOOD has her leg raised up and RUDOLPHO is holding it against his back. When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson! Let out your belt. . All I can say is, thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man's brains, eh, son? . Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, That's not fair at all! Right. Tricks!" You make money? Zinnia Wormwood: As a huge cloud of chocolate-y gas wafted from my mouth and drifted across the class. A little more bah-da, ba ba ba-da bom! A DOCTOR enters. I've got a plane to catch at three. I have to tell you, Headmistress, that in . She stops in triumph. Mr. Wormwood: in a week. Jenny: MR WORMWOOD Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. . Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. Well, I'd better hang around just in case. This living 'ell. ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. In fact, it must have been her who put that stink bomb under my desk this morning. After your first day of school! Matilda: DOCTOR Matilda: Upon the blackboard is written the alphabet. How about this. Well, I'll pay you back, young lady. Secrets. LAVENDER [He laughs then peters out.] MISS TRUNCHBULL Please. Mrs Phelps? That's right, sir. Considerably roomier inside. Yes. [off to the side] MRS PHELPS enters. Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten. What was my profit for the day? I'm sorry, doctor. MRS WORMWOOD Is a miracle! MISS TRUNCHBULL google_ad_format="120x90_0ads_al_s"; We all get carried away sometimes. Every new life "A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall! One second, Dad. I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. Yes! We have everything . Cancelled, because my wife is . Her life was good and happy. All the while, AMANDA's screams get louder. MISS HONEY MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did. Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair? MATILDA MATILDA The most common thing in life is life . The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS step back, leaving AMANDA in a spotlight. Calculate this! MRS WORMWOOD Look, I don't have time for all these legalities! Matilda centers on Matilda, a young genius with telekinesis powers. And that's not right. . Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing. Eat. You're being pathetic! This is one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen. It's going to be brilliant! It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. I can be a soldier. If you want to throw the hammer for your country. You are a crook. [to MATILDA] This is your fault. Yesterday, she caught Julius Rottwinkle eating a gobstopper during science. But I shan't enjoy it, because of the despicable way in which you have spoken to me tonight. That is the biggest hug in the world. MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in. A brand new human being! But not just to see their skill, but also to see their love for each other, which was so deep that it was said that cats would purr as they passed them, and dogs would weep with joy. Well, then stop her reading! And always keep your feet inside the line! Mrs Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully. . Trunchbull: ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] And that's not a hint, by the way. Michael: You haven't got time for "but". Agatha Trunchbull: That's not fair! Agatha Trunchbull. Then your mummy is a twit! Nothing will change. And if you cry it will be double. I don't know. MR WORMWOOD MISS TRUNCHBULL queens! The school bell rings and all the children march out. LAVENDER MISS HONEY Narrator: Go on, then! MATILDA Let me tell you something, son. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Look at you hesitating. Jenny: I'm the best! Well, this isn't my room at all! Hey, Dip face. COUPLES, CHILDREN, and DOCTOR Check it if you don't believe me. And you know where you'll end up? A child. Well, here I am. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too. Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Matilda, you promised you wouldn't go back into that house. MISS HONEY [She wraps her hands around MATILDA.] MRS PHELPS . When all had quietened down, she stepped forward and produced . . Agatha Trunchbull: MATILDA MAN: Have you seen his school report? You missed it. [to MISS HONEY] You don't! ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] The cars will break down. What do you think might be the cause of this? A spotlight makes its way across the letters on the board, finally settling at the end on the letter Z. Mr Wormwood! Ha, ha, ha, ha Harry Wormwood: I think they just fit. Stop! You shall be destroyed. Do you think I faltered or amended my rotation? Agatha Trunchbull: The end is happier. 1. MR WORMWOOD Green hair? Miss Honey: . Bruce Bogtrotter: Just because you find that life's not fair, it To unlock that power, all she had to do was practice. A single slice, Mrs. F-F-I. You have to put it right. Yes, wonderful. MISS TRUNCHBULL Dance competition's over. Good show. . In my school? Her mind is incredible. MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO MATILDA MATILDA MATILDA Fortunately, almost everything in Christianity is sin. And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! MR WORMWOOD I should be dancing the Tarentella